


tell me who the fuck you wanna be

by thekardemomme



Category: SKAM (TV)
Genre: Boys In Love, Coming Out, Falling In Love, Fluff, Homosexuality, M/M, Metaphors, Self-Acceptance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-16
Updated: 2017-06-16
Packaged: 2018-11-14 16:33:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,191
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11211930
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thekardemomme/pseuds/thekardemomme
Summary: In Isak's very, very short life, he's only kissed four people.He hasn't stopped kissing Even.





	tell me who the fuck you wanna be

**Author's Note:**

> this is word vomit idk
> 
> title from Can I? by Drake

In Isak's very, very short life, he's only kissed four people.

The first one was a girl in sixth grade who told him he had lips that reminded her of the bow that Cupid carried. She coated her lips in strawberry lipgloss and kissed like she was swapping a secret instead of spit. She asked him if he liked the taste of her lipgloss and he wanted to say that it tasted artificial, like the dried strawberries that his mother bought him whenever they went to Huelva one summer. He left her in the stairwell with the gloss stuck to his lips and then on the back of his hand when he tried to wipe it off, and he felt it's stickiness on his skin for weeks afterward.

The second one was Sara Nørrstelien during his first year at Hartvig Nissen, in the back bathroom of someone's house. She shoved her tongue down his throat and reached for the button of his pants and he couldn't think of an excuse reasonable enough to stop her, so he didn't. He convinced himself he wanted to do this and he tasted her mouth and the vodka cranberry she'd been drinking and let her get as far as her knees before finally stopping, telling her he wasn't ready, not yet. She just kissed him and said it was okay, and the next week at school she kissed him again and suddenly they were a thing. And when they broke up, she kissed him goodbye and it felt unfinished, like there was something on the back of her tongue for him that she wasn't ready to give yet.

His third kiss was Emma Larzen, a girl with pixie cut hair and loose lips. He should've known her affinity for gossip by the way she leaned in for kisses; mouth open like she was shouting. She kissed like she knew something he didn't, always having to take control. She'd fist his curls at the nape of his neck and dig her nails into the curve of his hip and it was all too sharp. Her nails to her kiss to her eyes, and mostly to the way she spat out, “It's 2016, get out of the closet”. She was all rough edges with a control issue, like she wanted to pass herself off as a lithe ballerina, but once he'd scratched the surface of her lips and worked his tongue with hers, he knew. He knew she was the sort of person who could kill you with a glance, and as lonely as he felt in Eva's bathroom with his back against the wall and worthlessness in his heart, he knew he didn't want to die.

The fourth person he kissed was Even Bech Næsheim, resident film nerd and tragic romance enthusiast. Isak thought about kissing Even more than they'd ever actually kissed and once they actually did, Isak realized that Even was a dreamer. From the way he pressed his lips to Isak's like a question, like an invitation that this could go further if Isak only asked; to the way he pulled Isak in like a tide to the shore, inevitable yet wonderful. He kissed like he was saying hello with a mouthful of honey, a contrast to all of the goodbye kisses Isak had had that were laced with strawberries and cream. Even had a beehive in his throat, buzzing and buzzing and buzzing, sometimes ready to sting and other times searching for pollen, and sometimes travelling too far up, higher up Even's spinal cord and making his brain buzz. Isak licked further into Even's mouth every chance he got, to taste the honey and the syrup, and it was sticky in the best way, in the way a child licks their fingers of fruit juices on a summer day. Even was everything bright and and summer and happiness, and he kissed like he wanted to share it all.

Isak hasn't stopped kissing Even.

There's butterfly kisses, hello kisses, goodbye kisses, apology kisses, grateful kisses, and _I'm so lucky I found you_ kisses. There's kisses on street corners, in shops, at their lockers, basking under streetlights, in Isak's bed, in Even's bed, in _their_ bed, on the tram, in front of their friends, and on the balcony after a fight that went too far. They kiss just because, or to show how much they love each other, or to remind each other or themselves that through thick and thin they'll always have each other.

They kiss when Even's manic. When the bees are in his brain and he tries to jump out of a window to fly with them. When it's 4am and he's trying to cook a traditional meal that Elias's mum had taught him. When it's lunchtime at school and he's talking about ditching to go up to the courthouse to marry Isak right then and there. When they fuck in the entryway because Even couldn't make it to the bed despite the small, compact apartment.

They kiss when Isak's dad calls. When Isak curls in bed and absolutely doesn't cry. When he curls his hands into fists so tight that his nails make bloody crescents in his palms; and Even kisses those, too. When Isak nearly snaps his phone in half and Even has to pry it away and run his hands all over every inch of Isak's skin just to help him fight off a panic attack. When Isak finally cries, into the crook of Even's neck and the only place Even's lips can reach is his temple.

They kiss when Even graduates. When he walks out of his last class and immediately searches for Isak. When they make it home, giggles bubbling from the bubble soap in their throats. When Isak sits in the ceremony and tears up and can only blow him a kiss. When Even catches that kiss and blows it right back.

They kiss when Isak meets Mikael properly for the first time. When he nervously apologizes for the whole jealous thing that happened, and Mikael waves it off. When he holds onto the back of Even's shirt because he's so scared that Mikael won't like him. When Mikael talks about inviting the rest of the boys over. When the rest of the boys show up, and Isak nearly throws up. When they're all comfortable, finally, and Isak is part of the banter.

Most importantly, though, they kiss simply because they want to. They kiss when Even tries out Eva's lipstick that's called Strawberry Shortcake. They kiss when they're in the back bathroom of someone's house at a party, and Even drops to his knees. They kiss with open-mouthed insistency, with Even fisting at his hair and his hips as he rocks into him roughly, all the control in his hands as Isak is helpless to pant out, _I love you, I love you, I love you._

And the best part is when Even kisses him, chaste or long, tongue or not, hello or goodbye; when Even kisses him and pulls back with that smile that's dripping with honey and says, “I love you, too.”

**Author's Note:**

> feedback appreciated xoxoxo
> 
> Find me on Tumblr: thekardemomme


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